Does Life Begin at 40....or Does It Just Continue?

It's a fair question, considering what I have gone through over the past few years. There is a desire not necessarily to reinvent myself, but to find in myself those aspects of life that I enjoy without throwing away everything.

For the moment, and with the exception of national politics, I have forsaken local politics. I first thought I might want to run for school board and springboard from there to something else, but then I realized...why? I would just be seeking the same type of personal validation that I sought before and that blew back in my face and contributed to an end of my marriage.

I've also temporarily put off writing "the novel," as I need to do more research...or to be more blunt, I need to live some more.

Lastly, I realize that I need to escape from the cubicle hell in which I am ensconced and find work that will put me out there in the the world.
And that is no reflection of the kind folk I work with, just more about my state of mind in the world. What kind of job is it that I was actually enthused that when we moved to our new work space, I got to pick the first cubicle...after a number of them had been pre-designated for bureaucratic purposes? Pathetic. It's a bit bigger than my other cubicle, but a cubicle, in the end, is just a cubicle. So, to find something else to do and make some money at it, that gets me out of the office and onto the street. Or on the road.

Other issues, which I won't get into, also need to be addressed: bad habits, damaged relationships, that sense of loss and abandonment which threatens to pull the rug on any joy I have in the world. No need to air my dirty laundry on a blog.

And of course, love relationships! What do they mean? What do I want now? How do I get what I want and make sure that the other(s) benefit?

Life does begin at 40, but I don't get to start with a blank slate and throw away the past four decades.