And a Quote from One of My Favorite Movies!

The Dude Abides!

McLain for Albany 2009?

It is likely, once I feel I am ready, that I will re-engage in Albany elective politics sometime in the near future.

Now, a quote from Emerson, that a wonderful lady sent to me:

'Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
Forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely
And with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense'

Quote from "Darkness Visible"

Here's a quote from the Styron book, Darkness Visible, which I underlined in my copy, because it made sense to me:

"At a later date, I would gradually be persuaded that devastating loss in childhood figured as a probable genesis for my own disorder; meanwhile, as I monitored my retrograde condition, I felt loss at every hand. The loss of self-esteem is a celebrated symptom (me: yes, it is!), and my own sense of self had all but disappeared, along with any self-reliance (me: thankfully that has not happened yet)...One dreads the loss of all things, all people close and dear. There is an acute fear of abandonment. Being alone in the house, even for a moment, caused me exquisite pain and trepidation."

There is no way...at this stage...that what I feel is anywhere near what the late Mr. Styron experienced and what he describes in his most excellent treatise on depression. But it is there. It is real, and it is foolish to hide it.

I may lose friends or social aquaintances discussing this (at least the ones who are thin-skineed and only enjoy me when I am up), and my family are likely not to read the blog anyway. But the fact remains that this is real and it is healthier to have out there than to bury it deep within...which is where it probably has been, untreated, for years.

And I do want to clarify: this probably contributed to the end of marriage, and is not a result of it.

I am trying to map my way out of it.

Part of the transformation process!

Walking

One of my favorite activities in life is walking. Every morning this past week, I have walked from Elm Street down to Summit Avenue, to help get my daughter ready for school. Even this morning, when she didn't need a packed lunch or me to get her ready, I walked down, at 6:45 a.m., to make sure all was well with the world, prepare some coffee for my wife, and then move on.

And then I will walk to work, through Lincoln Park, across the Empire State Plaza, down State to the cigar shop...today a couple of Arturo Fuentes...light one and finish the walk down State, down Broadway and on the footpath across the Dunn Memorial Bridge.

I can usually get in with time to spare, and cigar aside, it's a good thing to do for my heart.



When in Chicago, I did a lot of walking to. And I plotted out my course. I bragged to my wing gal that I was an urban Magellan, and proved it by getting her everywhere she needed to be. For myself, there were a few places I needed to be, which I would chart ahead and then wing it. Always been a walker.

Lately, however, like today, there is just a small bit of wistfulness in the walk, perhaps an emptiness which I don't usually feel. Taking the cigar and smoking it is usually a wonderful diversion, but sometimes it feels a bit forced. Sometimes walking feels a bit forced, like I am doing it because I have to. That's a bit sad, because walking is truly one of my favorite solitary acts.

Chicago Chronicles: The Return

December 30 through January 2...Chicago, New Year's Eve.

I have found the city I want to visit as much as possible...I am going to begin a new year, going into 40...and I am going to start that year in Chicago.

Chicago Chronicles: Photos

At a nice little beer garden on Lincoln Avenue, 10-7-07


An Avo at the Redhead 10-5-07


After the Steak Dinner and Outside The Redhead 10-6-07
(of course, I'd rather be inside The Redhead)


At the Redhead Piano Bar 10-5-07



My Best Meal!

Women and Chicago

The poet once wrote, "a woman can lift you up and a woman can inspire..."

Sometimes those relationships can be more about a connection of the soul than anything else.

In Chicago, I had the honor and the blessing of spending quality time with two of my favorite women of all time.

I lift a glass and toast them both!



My soul mate and I at Billy Goat Tavern, 10/6/07.



My traveling companion takes a moment to just, well, enjoy the moment. 10/7/07.