Last night, I had my first face-to-face confrontation with the impact of a suicide attempt/prevention/cry for help. No one is dead, and the person involved is going to be treated, but I do not think I can be as flippant as I have always been about the subject of suicide, having to deal with it first-hand, however hypocritical that might seem.
I do not want to get into details as this is someone else's life. I am a friend and will not abandon this person. A few intimates know what has happened, only because I need a way to vent.
Needless to say this afternoon, I am a bit moody, slightly overwhelmed and definitely philosophical.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
First Friday
Tonight is First Friday in Albany and my first piece of art will hang in the Upstate Artists Guild gallery. It will hang there until the end of January.
Here it is, again, for those who have not seen it.
Hopefully, a second piece will be considered in February for the March exhibit, "Green." I am working on a piece called, "Urban Gethsemane," with Christ having his moment of prayer before his betrayal at a bar, while his apostles sleep and Judas approaches.
This process, begun not three months ago, has been very liberating in this challenging time.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Iowa Caucus Predictions - and Update
Update at 10:45 p.m.: Obama and Huckabee win big!
This is going to be an election where change is the priority for voters.
Let's see if I am right; I am not going to give percentages, because I am not so bold.
Democrats:
1. Obama
2. Clinton
3. Edwards
Republicans
1. Huckabee
2. Romney
3. McCain
What it means: Obama will then win in NH and SC, and McCain will win in NH, MI, and SC.
This is going to be an election where change is the priority for voters.
Let's see if I am right; I am not going to give percentages, because I am not so bold.
Democrats:
1. Obama
2. Clinton
3. Edwards
Republicans
1. Huckabee
2. Romney
3. McCain
What it means: Obama will then win in NH and SC, and McCain will win in NH, MI, and SC.
Time to Get Back to Work
Why can't I get myself to leave my armchair, throw on my boots, hat, gloves, scarf and get out the door?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
New Year's Day in Chicago
Not much happens in the world on New Year's Day. A lot of stores are closed, and a good number of museums, like the Art Institute, are also closed. After sleeping in, my traveling buddy and I made our way up to Wrigleyville, walked past the mecca of baseball lost causes, Wrigley Field, and up to a place called The Full Schilling. To compensate for the relatively healthy meal eaten the night before, I had a very tasty 1/2 burger with swiss, tomotoes, sauteed mushrooms and bacon. For dessert: a deep fried twinkie.
We then ventured back out into the cold...and it was cold...and went over to Halstead Street and spent time in a store called "Gaymart." Lots of neat items: kitschy and campy...action figures, ornaments, cookie jars, more action figures.
We met up with our friend from yesterday's museum excursion, walked down Broadway and found a nice middle eastern restaurant and had some appetizers and middle eastern coffee. And lots of good discussion.
It was about 10:30 p.m., by the time my traveling buddy and I found our way back to the room. Both of us were crashed by 11.
Best part of the trip: walking around and seeing Chicago...eating at the Billy Goat Tavern, drinking at the Beat Kitchen, listening to jazz at the Hungry Brain.
Lesson learned: splurge the extra $100 - 150 for a hotel in the city. We would have made up the cost in cab fare between Extended Stay at Midway and the subway itself.
We then ventured back out into the cold...and it was cold...and went over to Halstead Street and spent time in a store called "Gaymart." Lots of neat items: kitschy and campy...action figures, ornaments, cookie jars, more action figures.
We met up with our friend from yesterday's museum excursion, walked down Broadway and found a nice middle eastern restaurant and had some appetizers and middle eastern coffee. And lots of good discussion.
It was about 10:30 p.m., by the time my traveling buddy and I found our way back to the room. Both of us were crashed by 11.
Best part of the trip: walking around and seeing Chicago...eating at the Billy Goat Tavern, drinking at the Beat Kitchen, listening to jazz at the Hungry Brain.
Lesson learned: splurge the extra $100 - 150 for a hotel in the city. We would have made up the cost in cab fare between Extended Stay at Midway and the subway itself.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Chicago - Thus Far
So far, the worst part of the trip to Chicago has been New Year's Eve itself. After all my excitement, raised expectations that I was going to enjoy myself, work the room, meet some neat gals, etc., I fell flat on my face, found myself tired and nodding off during one jazz set, demoralized and - not wanting to be a pill or a burden to my traveling buddy - left. Got back to the hotel close to two a.m., relatively sober, full of regret.
Perhaps it was the sticker shock of the $55.00 cab ride which should have only cost $30 or $40 at most, perhaps it was the fact that three of us ate at a loud restaurant and I have a hard time hearing in a noisy crowd-filled place. Perhaps those two incidents prior to the art gallery set me up for a bad time. Perhaps it was not being able to speak to/call my wife and daughter, 800 miles away. My first New Year's away from them. Whatever it was, it didn't work, and I did not have a good time.
But today is a new day, and although it is cold, there may be plenty of things to do in Chicago, on our last full day here. Perhaps go back to Wicker Park and check out what is open, what can be explored. Timing prevented that from happening.
But yesterday was not totally lost. A double cheeseburger and a beer at the Billy Goal Tavern, sitting at a writer's bar...journalist's bar, more accurately. Then meeting up with a friend of my traveling buddy who got us into the art institute. We saw Gauguins, Picassos, Van Goghs, a whole bunch of older stuff from Africa, Indonesia and the Americas. The best part was the narration by the friend who went with us, who does not believe that art galleries should be treated like libraries, or worse yet, cemetaries, whose iconoclastic approach to art was a balm to the stuffy atmosphere that such large institutions cultivate. That followed by a beer and bourbon at this bar on Wabash and service from a very cranky, unfriendly waitress.
The day before was for walking. All the way up from Van Buren and State to Belmont Avenue and the Hungry Brain. A nice lunch at an Irish pub, some beers along the way, drinks at a place called Beat Kitchen. A nice time. I left early that night, too, so I would have energy for New Year's Eve. Funny.
So, that's Chicago in a nutshell. Fair to say my best times actually were just walking the streets, people watching, enjoying the sights and sounds and smells of Chicago...which feels less this time like home.
But then again, no place feels like home anymore.
I have no home.
Perhaps it was the sticker shock of the $55.00 cab ride which should have only cost $30 or $40 at most, perhaps it was the fact that three of us ate at a loud restaurant and I have a hard time hearing in a noisy crowd-filled place. Perhaps those two incidents prior to the art gallery set me up for a bad time. Perhaps it was not being able to speak to/call my wife and daughter, 800 miles away. My first New Year's away from them. Whatever it was, it didn't work, and I did not have a good time.
But today is a new day, and although it is cold, there may be plenty of things to do in Chicago, on our last full day here. Perhaps go back to Wicker Park and check out what is open, what can be explored. Timing prevented that from happening.
But yesterday was not totally lost. A double cheeseburger and a beer at the Billy Goal Tavern, sitting at a writer's bar...journalist's bar, more accurately. Then meeting up with a friend of my traveling buddy who got us into the art institute. We saw Gauguins, Picassos, Van Goghs, a whole bunch of older stuff from Africa, Indonesia and the Americas. The best part was the narration by the friend who went with us, who does not believe that art galleries should be treated like libraries, or worse yet, cemetaries, whose iconoclastic approach to art was a balm to the stuffy atmosphere that such large institutions cultivate. That followed by a beer and bourbon at this bar on Wabash and service from a very cranky, unfriendly waitress.
The day before was for walking. All the way up from Van Buren and State to Belmont Avenue and the Hungry Brain. A nice lunch at an Irish pub, some beers along the way, drinks at a place called Beat Kitchen. A nice time. I left early that night, too, so I would have energy for New Year's Eve. Funny.
So, that's Chicago in a nutshell. Fair to say my best times actually were just walking the streets, people watching, enjoying the sights and sounds and smells of Chicago...which feels less this time like home.
But then again, no place feels like home anymore.
I have no home.
January 1, 2008
The end of the year always gets me a bit melancholy, as it has been discussed on the blog prior to today. And going into Christmas and the New Year do the same. Ever since my stepfather was killed in a car wreck in January 1986, I have always had this sense of doom about the post-holiday period...many times nothing happens to justify it, but it is there. That crash after the festivities.
Last year the crash came later, around January 30, when Lisa and I agreed that what we had was no more and it was time to end it. And 2007 has been defined by that moment and that day. It's been a very long, slow death of a marriage. No papers have been signed yet, but I am out of the house, and my daughter is getting used to the new reality.
On the bright side, the new change in my life has led me to begin writing again, and I started painting later in the year. The writing culminated in a 30-page chapbook. The painting, which really has just begun, is being rewarded with my first public showing of a piece.
And I've made a few new friends.
But still, that sense of doom at the holidays still lingers.
Last year the crash came later, around January 30, when Lisa and I agreed that what we had was no more and it was time to end it. And 2007 has been defined by that moment and that day. It's been a very long, slow death of a marriage. No papers have been signed yet, but I am out of the house, and my daughter is getting used to the new reality.
On the bright side, the new change in my life has led me to begin writing again, and I started painting later in the year. The writing culminated in a 30-page chapbook. The painting, which really has just begun, is being rewarded with my first public showing of a piece.
And I've made a few new friends.
But still, that sense of doom at the holidays still lingers.
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