Lyrics to Lou Reed's Song, "New Sensations." (link to YouTube, but there's no video, just audio).

I don't like guilt be it stoned or stupid
Drunk and disorderly I ain't no cupid
Two years ago today I was arrested on christmas eve

I don't want pain, I want to walk not be carried
I don't want to give it up, I want to stay married
I ain't no dog tied to a parked car

Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, new sensations

Talkin' 'bout some new sensations
Talkin' 'bout some new sensations

I want the principles of a timeless muse
I want to eradicate my negative views
And get rid of those people who are always on a down

It's easy enough to tell what is wrong
But that's not what I want to hear all night long
Some people are like human toulinols

Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, ooohhh, new sensations

Talkin' 'bout some new sensations
Talkin' a new sensations

I took my gpz out for a ride
The engine felt good between my thighs
The air felt cool, it's was forty degrees outside

I rode to pennsylvania near the delaware gap
Sometimes I got lost and had to check the map
I stopped at a roadside diner for a burger and a coke

There were some country folk and some hunters inside
Somebody got themselves married and somebody died
I went to the juke box and played a hillbilly song

They was arguing about football as I waved and went outside
And I headed for the mountains feeling warm inside
I love that gpz so much, you know that I could kiss her

Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, ooohhh, new sensations

Talkin' 'bout your new sensations
Talkin' new sensations

Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, new sensations
Ooohhh, new sensations

- Lou Reed

Perks of Bachelorhood

Sometimes, it is the little things in life that matter.




Yes, that is my nightstand, and yes, that is a bologna sandwich, and yes, that is a neat Woodford Reserve.

Life is good.

A Quiet Force

for a.

in the night, I can barely see you lying beside me
i sit on the side of the bed,
stare at my watch on the nightstand,
look over at you

deep piercing blue eyes
lightly shut
no corset
no collar
no chain
just a heavy comforter
embracing you

naked and alone i sit and stare
naked and at peace you lie there

in the emptiness of the night
after hours of poetry and play
wine and whiskey
i am alone
as you sleep

and all i have to comfort me
is that
quiet force
that draws me in
seductive without seducing
but even in sleep
a force nonetheless

i crawl back in beside you
move in as close as i can
wrap my arms around you

earlier you were submissive
but now,
to your being,
i submit


-fprm

c 2009

A Gentle Warning

Over the past few months, if not year, I've been frustrated in my attempts to get work on a full-time basis, for various reasons, and I have felt a bit demoralized. Sometimes I'm not good enough, sometimes I'm overqualified and they are afraid I would up and leave, sometimes it was not even worth sending in an application because I didn't have the right skills. Sometimes it seemed as though I am not trying hard enough.

In any case, it's been very depressing and demoralizing, and the lack of funds has also impacted on my family: my wife (though separated) and my daughter. And I selfishly wonder if the best thing to do is hope for an accident that would kill me, and allow them to collect on my decent life insurance policy (whatever else goes on, I make sure that gets paid). And of course, quite pettily, I think that they would be better off in that case, selfishly ignoring the reality that a beatnik, fiscally strapped daddy is better than a dead one.

Well, last night, for some reason, I was thinking of these things as I drove up Delaware Avenue to my apartment on Elm Street, past the Price Chopper, through the light at Elm, past the laundromat and right onto Jefferson. I was driving at a safe speed, past the dirt bar, past some houses, and then before me, almost too quickly, an Albany police car is backing into the street.

I did not realize that there was ice on the street until I tried to brake, and that failed - I skidded instead, and I tried to swerve, but ended up colliding with the cruiser, my front left corner of my car meeting his rear right corner. Plastic bumper, reflectors, other debris all over the place. I also hit a stationary van in the corner of its rear left bumper.

Dumb fucking luck to get into a car accident with a police cruiser!

This story is not about the logistics of it all, who was right (me), who was wrong (him), etc. It is about realizing that I need to be rethink my priorities. This was an accident, and I tried to avoid it, but it could have been worse. Or it could have happened elsewhere, and I could have been hit. And I still can...at any time...it happened to my dad's brother. It happened to my stepfather.

Sometimes I am not sure if there is a god...at least not the type of entity that takes an interest in our daily lives at such a micro level. I am sure, or at least I want to interpret it as such, that a message was sent to me, regarding all that talk of death and life insurance and being more valuable to my daughter dead.

I think I got it.

And I should be careful about what I wish for...I might get it next time.

New Painting: "On the Beach"

Completed 2-21-09, based on a photo of a friend of mine.