Bring on 2009

It is fair to say, with very few exceptions, that 2008 was a very bad year.

It may in fact have been one of the worst years of my life, so far.

Job loss, fiscal stress, postponement of separation/divorce because of job loss/fiscal stress, turning 40 (which is not so bad in and of itself), getting bifocals (again, not bad of itself, just icing on the cake), not being able to find a decent job (which reflects on my abilities, or lack thereof). Most of it, of course, seems to be of my own doing...at least I can acknowledge tha, and the changes that need to be made are mine. But still, it felt like one thing on top of another. Enough of 2008.

Not that everything was bleak.

Lilybet is growing and becoming quite a little girl. She is very smart and very bright and quick. We need to work on her temper a bit, but then again, I need to work on mine as well. It's fun to watch her grow and learn and interact with the world. She is the love of my life.

Painting was good, too. I had pieces hang at the Upstate Artists Guild in January, March, June, August and November. Nothing sold, but I am out there. Not bad for a beginner.

And I made a new friend, in mid-March, who has been wonderful with me - affectionate, supportive, philosophical, just an all round beautiful person. People like her are rare in this world. That is not to dismiss or diminish the impact of other new friends or old friends and family, who have been supportive and loving, but I stress this one in particular, because it was the right friend at the right moment in time.

And I am alive, I have my health, I have been painting, writing, reading a lot of good books.

Maybe it was not so bad after all...

But hopefully, 2009 will be a year in which I can turn things around...I will be teaching in January again, and I will be looking for other work. Lilybet will turn 7 (what a great age), and maybe Lisa and I will finally be able to get our paperwork together and move forward. That would be nice...for all three of us.

The Future

On Friday, I will have my last piece for the year hanging at the Upstate Artists Guild. The piece is called, "AI (Artificial Inspiration): Recharging." If you are in the Albany area Friday night, check it out..

Unemployment has not been fun and it has been very very stressful. Sometimes, I get chest pains relative to the stress, but at least I know that they are not heart-related and are likely to be connected to acid reflux more than anything else. Of course, I only care because I have a daughter to raise. And to be quite honest, I am philosophically torn in what values I want to teach her, as far as work and money, etc. How about telling her that she should work on what she enjoys doing, what fulfills her, and if it does not make that much money, to learn not to want. It is the wanting that gets us in trouble.

And in terms of beer, and food, and women, books and song, I am as guilty as anyone.

And sometimes, there is the self-pity phase: what in the world did I do so wrong to have my marriage fall apart(well, i am sure that is 75 percent my fault), to lose my job, and to not be able to get back to where I was. Or where did I go wrong on my path...surely something went wrong for me to end up where I am.

I am wondering what the life lesson is...and when will this end...or do I have it in my power to end it myself.

Writer's Block

...having the hardest time beginning the novel...don't know what to do, where to go, how to begin it.

this may be a function also of some other stressors upon me: the inability to get a decent job, or, it seems, any job, which is not a pleasant situation to face in the middle of a possible recession, and with mortgages and debts and home equity loans, daughter's future, etc. a lot of people do better when they have to write under stress. not yours truly. i enjoy the leisurely pace, creating when i feel like it.

well, i feel like it, but can't do it.

[just got a hug from my little girl...what a sweet voice she has; time to go down and snuggle with her on the couch...it is a wet and rainy day in albany: what else worthwhile is there to do?]

Mid-Month Update

Well, not exactly mid-month, but close enough.

This weekend I am hanging out with Lilybet. Sadly, Lisa had to go to a funeral for her 26-year old first cousin who was killed by a taxi cab in New York City. It is a very sad time for her family. Sometimes I take for granted how often death rears its head, especially with young folk. There are families, like Lisa's, that have not had to deal with such tragedy in a while (decades), which makes it even tougher.

The cutting down on the drinking and the cutting off of the caffeine has been good for me. I still get headaches but am not sure if it is caffeine withdrawal or my glasses. The other night, I splurged and had a pork chop with mashed potatoes and veggies and a 20 oz. pint of beer. I inhaled the pork chop but did not finish the beer.

Also, finished reading "The Idiot," by Dosteovsky. Great novel...reads like an existential Russian soap opera and of course ends in true tragic form. Ordered a copy of collected stories by Ivan Bunin. I've not really read the Russians, for which a lovely friend admonished me, but thanks to her, I've started. "The Idiot" is a good beginning.

Painting is going slowly, but no rush there. Worked a bit on a library setting for a third "redhead" painting. Will try to paint some tomorrow.

Nothing big or metaphysical to write about...just taking a break from a fun horror/comedy to lighten my mood ("Shaun of the Dead"). Back to the movie now!

It's been a long time...

Just noticed that the last time I posted here was more than three weeks ago. Quick update:

* Started teaching Contemporary Business to non-majors on Monday; and Organizational Behavior on Thursdays. Each class has about 23 students, most of whom seem to be in the 18 - 22 year range. Monday's class is a little more rambunctious than Thursday's, but reminding them of ground rules last night seemed to help. It's an interesting class, too, in that one of the students - a freshman - graduated this spring from Walter Panas High School (my alma mater); not many of the old teachers are still there, but I guess a lot of them should be retired by now. Thursday's class might just be a bit more serious in that the class is a prequisite for their business degree. One of the students is also a bartender at Justin's, which i guess had to happen. She and I established some ground rules of our own, regarding our bartender/barfly rapport: no one in the class is to know about the "relationship." Again, a good class.

* Speaking of Justin's and other bars, I have resolved to cut down my time spent there, for financial and other reasons. And I have seriously cut down on my boozing. It's no fun being a writer with the dark Irish soul without the Guinness and Jameson's, but I am making do. In fact, having cut down considerably, I am finding that one or two, or even three over three hours on Saturday tires me out. I rarely ever woke up with a hangover, but I had woken up tired. Not a good way to start the day. So, all good on the booze front. But it was not even the booze that was the issue (I rarely drink a full beer or even a full glass of wine at home), it was the socializing. Ford + Beer + People = a Party!

* Another area of detoxification includes getting rid of the caffeine. It's a tad more expensive to drink decaf than hi-test, but it is a major contributor to my feeling better over time, less cranky, less nervous when dealing with stressful things. I find without the caffeine, I am able to "roll with it" a little better. Melita is my preferred decaf of choice. Only caveat...headaches still persist...is it the decaf or is it the bifocals?

* Relationships:

getting along fine with Lisa, which is very important for Lilybet;

have a made a few new, er, "friends," and those have been very enjoyable to me; I am learning that any new relationship built on the foundation of friendship, even if it transcends that, is a good way to start. One has been going on since late March, I think...one is very new, but intriguing. No details, so I don't jinx myself. No getting ahead of myself. Let's just say I am content and like it that way.

* Lilybet is getting to be a big girl...started first grade, is very very bright. She is also playing soccer on Saturdays. I am very proud of her; SHE is the real love of my life.

* Turning the screenplay into a novel. Quite a process...you have to turn the lines into quotes, get rid of camera directions and fill in with narrative, and then flesh it out. And then go back and edit. It's a slow process.

Think that's about it. Not much else to share at this point in time.

Oils, Cont'd

Since the last posting, I have started a couple of new pieces.

One is of a couple with another guy at a tiki bar and a bartender; the couple is holding hands and are looking over at the guy and the bartender. I am going to call it "The Swingers."




Another is of a dinner preparation I made for a loved one. It is hanging in said loved one's kitchen. I used the original shopping list and included it in the piece.



Another is of hot dogs cooking in wine (yet to be delivered).

Currently I am working on an oil of a partially-clad redhead. Full-frontal...sort of, with guest appearance by cat. I don't know where I am going with it, but books are involved, as are wine and bourbon. No cigar yet.

Oils

The first is called, "Painter at 100 Years."



I don't know what this will be called; it's a work in progress.

New Work in Progress

Last night, while sitting at the local gin mill, I had an idea, using a title that was to be the 4th part of the American Primitive screenplay: I am going to try (emphasize on the word, "try,") to write a stage play. It is going to be called "Pints," and will focus on my existential state since the end of my marriage. Hopefully, I will be honest and scathing about myself and where I've come and where I am going.

In addition to the writing, I have already roughly designed the set (or at least did a schematic on a napkin and described it in the first page) and will flesh it out.

We shall see how it goes...or if I follow through on it. I've already written a screenplay, but somehow this feels like more of a challenge, mostly because I am more limited in how it can be visually presented.

New Paintings

"Adventurers by Fate," based on a quote by Vincent van Gogh, impressionist painter and maker of good vodka




"Recharging," a futuristic nightmare world, where artists' models are artificial life forms.

AI: ARTificial Inspiration

Philosophical question: What if, in the future, artists were able to own their own live models, which were artificial life forms?

The shots are for a piece I am doing for submission in the "Future" show at UAG (starts 11/7/08).

Latest Works

It has been a productive weekend. See paintings, with respective titles above them.

"End of the Shift"




"View from the Kitchen"




The following two are inspired by a book by a famous Vietnamese Buddhist monk and friend of Thomas Merton. The book is called, "Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers," based on a series of talks around Christmas.

The first is Jesus (in progress).



The next is Gautama (in progress).

Solitude

These past two days, and most of Friday as well and probably most of tomorrow, have been spent in solitude. In the confines of the cloister, with trips down to the girls' house to take care of the cats, with paintbrushes and canvases and a good amount of paint.

What has been accomplished:

* Completed a new Dulcinea de la Mancha painting (see below);

* Completed a small piece for a friend, of an Alaskan landscape;

* Completed a piece titled either "Antietam," or "Bifocals;"

* Am reading "The Hero of a Thousand Faces," by Joseph Campbell, which is quite interesting;

* Laid down some base coats on two pieces of wood purloined from the house which will be a part of a series of hero paintings...first will be Jesus, then will be Gautama (the Buddha), although I am not sure I will pull it off...the title will most likely be based on a book;

* Have texted a few folk here and there, just to stay in touch with the world; and

* Have done a bit of contemplating.

Oh, yeah...I did a little job hunting too.

All this, of course, has been done with a soundtrack of various rock and roll, folk or classical music, including: Bob Dylan, Jesus Christ Superstar, baroque harpsichord, the Velvet Underground, and even some old Billy Joel.

My reading list is updated to the left.

Later I will reward myself by going to my local pub, having a beer and a bourbon and enjoying the company of my favorite bartender (who owns a couple of paintings herself).

Not a bad couple of days indeed.

New Painting: Dulcinea de la Mancha

First there was this sketch, done at a bar, over a pint of Sierra Nevada on a warm Friday afternoon:



The next day, the painting emerged. Mostly acrylic, but Duclinea is done totally in guache.

The Show Last Night

Last night's show went well. For the first time, I actually hung around the Upstate Artists Guild longer than usual. Below is a picture of my "muse" and friend Rebecca and the painting of her. I cannot express enough gratitude for her patience in the process. For a first piece of a posed model, I think it went well. As we had limited time, I used photographs instead of sketching or painting directly, which was fortunate, because I changed pictures in the middle of the process.

What is neat about this painting is that I do not think I have seen a photo where the subject is NOT smiling. So, I intentionally had her not smile for this. And we got the sword in the picture.



Below is a picture of yours truly, back to the goatee look after 8 months of full beard. Best to get some sun on my face before the fall.

Completed Works

This is called "Breakfast," and could conceivably be an exterior scene from the American Primitive script.



This piece is called, "Hung Over," for hopefully obvious reasons. And yes, the black and white thing on the table, with his paw over his face, is a cat in a contorted sleeping position. The other day, I simply sketched my cat, Dr. Strangelove, while he napped and then created a setting around him. It's one of my favorites.

Work In Progress: "Hung Over."

Note: No animals were fed wine, bourbon or any other alcoholic substance, nor were they actually hung over during the making of this painting.

New Paintings

Yesterday (July 26) was quite a productive day, in terms of paintings. Below are three completed ones.

This first one is an 80th birthday tribute to my favorite director, Stanley Kubrick. Kubrick was also a chess master, who used to play in Washington Square in his youth. It is called, "Beyond the Infinite."



This one is titled, "The Return of Don Quixote," and alludes to the idea that his dulcinea will pick up the sword, don the golden helmet and become the new knight errant.



Lastly, this is to be included in a show that begins next Friday (August 1) and is my first attempt of a painting taken from a live model. Our time was limited, so I used photography and selected a shot from which to paint. Originally, the subject was to be used for "The Return of Don Quixote," but I was not happy that it looked much like my subject, so I started from scratch and did this one. It is nowhere near perfect, but closer than above.

A Painting First for the American Primitive

Tomorrow, between 6:00 p.m. and 8:00 p.m., I will take another leap - in my deluded mind, at least - as a painter: I will work from a live model. There is an Upstate Artists Guild show, called, "Reflections," and in addition to two of my pieces (self-portraits), I will submit a piece that will include another UAG member.

Knowing my limited experience as a painter, I am a bit curious as to why she accepted. And I kind of asked her. Her reaction: it could be fun.

I have laid down a background for the painting; I have a concept; I have some props and costume ideas; I have a model who has a little bit of faith in me and in the idea that it might be fun.

I also have some Spanish wine.

Perhaps she is right: perhaps it will be fun.

Productive

Sometimes, having limited or no access to the internet while at home has its benefits. For the past two weeks, in addition to the obligatory and often painful job hunting, I have been painting. After a stretch of minimal to no painting, I have done a number of pieces, which I have yet to download and share. The titles are as follows. Photos to come, maybe tomorrow.

* The Prisoner, inspired by a lovely young lady visiting from Belo Horizontal, Brazil;

* Study of a Muse, which is a test run for a later painting;

* In the Field, which focuses on the field hat that I have that some question ("what's with the hat")...it keeps the sun out of my eyes and gives a little shade.

* Return to the Blue Movie Motel, all in blue of course, based on a piece just written.

Additionally, I am working on a Kubrick in Heaven piece...which involves a chess board, and I am working on my piece for the October UAG show, the theme of which is "Buried City."

Lastly, related to UAG, a final piece is for the "Reflections" show. In addition to the two self-portraits I will put in, I am working on the background for a piece tha will be featured in the back room and will include a portrait...or representation...of a fellow UAG member...and I have found my first live model...what a good sport she is!

Enough for now...off to Troy to spend time with a lovely friend...who not only keeps me mellow but is able to bring out the sweetness in me.

Movie Recommendation: "Wall*E"

Yesterday, feeling a bit down and despondent, I went to see "Wall*E" at the Spectrum8.

It was a thoroughly enjoyable Science Fiction/Comedy/Romance, with a neat ecological message. Until the last half, the movie is nearly dialogue free and focuses in the relationship between a lonely and creative trash collecting robot on a 28th century Earth that is abandoned by humans due to the toxicity of all the trash that has been consumed in the 21st and 22nd centuries. Government is run by a large corporation that owns everything, from superstores to transportation concerns. (For all the corporate types out there, Big Brother need not be a government leader. I personally see a lot of commonality between the Walmarts, big government entities, and even the megachurches of the exerbs that provide everything one needs in one location.)

But the thrust of the story is the devotion of this robot to his beloved, EVE, who is sent to Earth to search for life.

There are a few good Kubrick references, including two pieces of music humorously integrated and the red eye of the autopilot.

Overall, very fun, thought-provoking and touching.

"American Primitive - The Novel"

Now that I have completed a first draft of American Primitive, Part Three (formerly Kubris and now back to "Painter"), I have begun to work on the treatments for the other parts as well as a novel or novella version of "Painter." A few involved with film enjoyed it, believe it is film-able (probably art house and european audiences) and said the script read like a novel. So, instead of struggling with a script, I will write the novel.

I am going to Georgia this weekend and will have plenty of time to write, in between a few Guinness stouts, Irish Whiskeys, and cigars.

What is intriguing is how tough on my fictional personae I can be, it's necessary to reflect on the impact of other's actions without casting stones. It's necessary to create a character richer in depth and in feeling than what the average person who doesn't know me may perceive. Not necessarily self-flagellation,

Perhaps, also writing about a future life that might seem a pipe dream, I am also doing some creative visioning for a future I would like to see. Perhaps more importantly, by exorcising demons on paper and on screen (if we ever get there), I can liberate myself to make this a reality and, by acknowledging personal flaws, anticipate them and address them as they arrive.

That is where we are at. I'm painting, writing and screen writing, sketching sets, creating story board by way of paintings (go to www.zhibit.com/fprmclain, to see American Primitive-related pieces).

And the drawings and paintings will be slightly more improved or at least a little more error-free with the new bifocals I dreaded getting.

Photographs on My Artist's Site

A set of ten photographs has been posted on my artist site.

Painting in Progress: The Cloister

The sketch in the posting below now has some color to it. A bit more work to do.

The Cloister on Canvas

This is a sketch, from memeory, of my cloister/studio on Elm Street in Albany. Complete with armchair and cat.

It will eventually become a painting.

Mid-Life Crisis?

After reading this article in Psychology Today online and then reflecting on things, it occurred to me that it is possible that I am actually in a bit of a mid-life crisis. This of course was brought about by three life events: the end of marriage, turning 40 and losing my long-term job.

What is interesting is that it did not necessarily hit me as a mid-life crisis situation until last week, when I learned that I would need either a pair of reading glasses or bifocals. Lots of individuals younger than me have bad eyes, but I guess this was icing on the cake. On the positive side, I will no longer need to put my glasses on my forehead to read and then need to squint to see the beauty in the distance. And I won't need to put a book 7 inches from my face to read it comfortably. It is a positive step in terms of eye care. But something about it just hit me.

Anyway, the article on the mid-life crisis did offer some advice on how to deal with things. Various articles I've seen say one thing: don't ignore and don't try to push it off. In the larger context, a midlife crisis can be a positive transitional process, if one does not just embrace the more impulsive and reckless aspects. Eat healthier, get a bit more exercise, avoid overindulging, and seek help if need be.

It's good to know that this has happened. I could either not put a finger on it or was in denial. But it is what it is.

And I want to be in better health and shape before 2020, when I head off to the tropics to live and paint and enjoy a long long life.

Sketch from American Primitive - Paradise

It's about a quiet moment in the picture. It's about a nascent friendship.

Cloister Revisited

Barscapes

Most of these were sketched at 301 Lark Street, while waiting for my drinking, nursing my drink, waiting for company (expected or otherwise) but never being anti-social. They are interior shots for the bar that would likely be called, "The Black Vulcan" in the American Primitive movies.

New Posting on "Notes of an American Primitive"

I have a new posting on my blog about screenwriting and movie making, called "Reading."

You will have to write me to get me to invite you to this blog.

Honoring a Master

After reading Vincent LoBrutto's wonderful biography of Stanley Kubrick (1997), I have come to a conclusion: the Vanilla Vampire will wait, as will The Philogynist (for now), as perhaps will the remaining three parts of American Primitive. Time to attempt an adaptation. And what an epic I have chosen (see picture above).

Pride!

Yesterday was Pride Day in Albany, complete with a parade and a party and politics. Thirty or forty years ago, you would not see a police escort at a gay pride parade, which makes me proud of the photo just below mine. We are starting to progress...a bit.

History

Last night, based on the numbers, Senator Barack Obama clinched the Democratic nomination and will face Sen. John McCain in the fall.

This is the first non-white politician to be the presumed nominee of either party.

This is history.

And whether you agree or not with his ideology, the historical significance of this moment cannot be lost on any American.

Two Bachelors

Taken by L.F. McLain; two bachelors in the Cloister.

INT - Normalcy

From the American Primitive screenplay, Part IV Pints.

Painter meets up with a NYC hotel bartender, they spend the weekend in his hotel room; he foolishly falls in love and thinks of forsaking others for her.

He is delusional, of course.

There are other subplots, too: Conflict of Interest, Bongos and Bourbon, and Passing the Torch.

Progress on "Dulcinea"

As part of my American Quixotic series, I am making progress on my Duclinea piece.



The two below are to be shown starting June 6 at the UAG People's Choice Show.

State of Things

This is a very lonely house, where we set up shop and brought our cats and hosted parties and lay in bed during the months of pregnancy and brought home our daughter. It is now a very lonely place, especially at night, especially after my little girl goes to sleep and I am alone here.

Lonely, almost eerie.

I used to love this house. It used to be home. I thought I would live here until I died.

Now I have a new residence, which feels more like home, and in 12 years, upon the graduation of my daughter, I shall move on from Albany.

Home is no longer home anymore...the city, the house, the state of things.

Things have indeed changed.

New Blog

I have set up a new blog, one which requires an invitation to be submitted in order to read it, about the making of the American Primitive screenplays.

The reason that this is an invitation only blog, is that it might be more racy or bold in its writings than this blog, as it will attempt to go a little darker and more in detail about the thinking behind the film.

If you are interested in reading it, simply write me at fprmclain@hotmail.com, or comment below, and I will invite you.

Cigars!

This would probably be a neater photo, if the car was in motion and the scene was desert highway, not a suburban state office outpost. But then, I would not be able to take it and drive.